


PAKage Deal

by Akzeal, DinobotLoki



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Competent Tallest, Competent Zim (Invader Zim), Dib gets a PAK, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Light Angst, Mistakes, The Almighty Tallest Being Assholes (Invader Zim)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28153284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akzeal/pseuds/Akzeal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DinobotLoki/pseuds/DinobotLoki
Summary: It's the perfect plan. Zim's tall enough to get away with showing Dib the Massive now, no-one will dare question. Meanwhile, Dib is wondering just why he let himself get talked into this, especially when Zim is sent off, leaving Dib alone in the enemy ship.
Relationships: Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Dib/Zim (Invader Zim), The Almighty Tallest & Zim
Comments: 65
Kudos: 58





	1. Mission

This shouldn’t be that hard, really- He’d already done the hard parts, like convince Dib that this would actually work. Which it would,  _ clearly _ . The  _ Massive _ was, well. Massive. And Zim had grown, too, enough to be a comfortable height, so no-one would question what he was doing here, or question him at all, their little cover story shouldn’t be needed at all!

Things had changed, Zim noticed, the moment they stepped aboard. Dib wore manacles- the only way to do this was to pretend he was a prisoner. He’d spoken in glowing terms about his human, and about the way Dib could, so easily, be an asset. He just needed a show of strength. 

And to his surprise, the Tallests had been sickly sweet about the idea, even. That had been… not concerning, of course not, even though they hadn’t seemed interested in anything Zim had said for so very long. It had been  _ good _ , because he was finally getting his due, yes. And the manacles Dib was wearing were only for show, anyway- Zim had shown him time and time again how to break out of them, and Dib had shown he knew  _ how _ as well. So this would be  _ fine _ .

“We have a bit of a mission for you, Zim,” Red said, after Zim had left Dib in their temporary quarters and gone to meet them. That was the first thing- no greeting, or anything. Zim would have preferred a show from them about his new height. But… of course they couldn’t, he reminded himself. 

Purple smiled. “Yeah, Zim,” he added. “Mm. It’s pretty special.”

“Special?” Zim asked, perking. A mission worthy of him, maybe? “What kind of mission, my Tallest?” Obviously nothing major- Zim was well aware that he was still on mission with Earth, and while being entirely recalled happened in stories, it never  _ really _ happened. But this… this must be important, if it superseded even greetings!

“Mhmm,” Red said, smirking and gesturing for him to come closer. “We don’t have much information on this, but we just got word of a Resisty ship out near Hobo-26…” He clicked a few keys to bring up a set of data chips. “We want you to go check it out, Zim.” 

“We can’t trust anyone else, if it is a Resisty ship out there,” Purple added. 

That wasn’t far- he could be there and back in a couple of Earth weeks, easily. Less, if they actually upgraded his ship, but Zim didn’t bother pointing out the obvious. “When do you want us- m- me,  _ Zim _ , to leave, my Tallest?” Dib would be really interested, too- only Zim did realize, a moment too late, that he might not be allowed to bring the human with him. It wasn’t typical, after all- But Dib would be safe here, no-one would dare hurt him.

“Immediately,” Purple said. “We heard you brought a prisoner as a show of power to it, correct? We’ll leave it in your room or whatever.” The utter disregard made Zim flinch. But he needed to do this, and obey- not doing so was a good way to be banished again- in a way his will possibly wouldn’t win against. 

“Y-yes, my Tallest. Ah- he should be able to work out food and water-”

“Of course, of course, all that will be available,” Red assured Zim, waving a hand. “I’ll even  _ personally _ make sure of that, ey? But you need to go- that ship won’t be there for long!” The assurance  _ did _ help, as much as Zim wished he could warn Dib. There was nothing for it, though, and Dib would be  _ fine _ . He knew that much!

Zim bowed, “Of course, my Tallest. I will go immediately.” 

He hurried to the hanger as soon as he left their room. Part of him was uneasy, though he squashed the idea immediately. It was because of being around humans, around Dib. He was imagining things! 

  
Still, it was… very strange, re-entering his ship so soon, and alone. He was almost never  _ alone _ in the voot, and it made even familiar tasks such as putting in the chips and getting coordinates seem strange. That was all it was, too long away from his kind, and too long with  _ others _ … and some of the things Dib said, worried about. He was letting it make him silly, Zim thought, as he launched and streaked away.


	2. Making

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is *not* a good holiday gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays, Hope you enjoy.

The little room he was in, as Zim’s ‘prisoner’ was… not bad, really. It was small- the bed was too small, tiny. But Dib awkwardly sat on it anyway, legs crossed, not really caring. This was still cool, really. The biggest problem was how nervous he was. He had told Zim that, a few times. He was nervous, had a bad feeling about this little charade. 

Zim had been… well, honestly, he hadn’t been  _ as _ dismissive as usual. Of course he had insisted that everything would be fine, that he wouldn’t  _ allow _ anything to happen, in that weird way he had… And Dib had to admit, when he’d heard that Zim had gotten out of banishment with actual supplies and a mission, or at least nothing more than annoyance, he kind of believed the Irken when he said those kinds of things. At least enough to  _ be here _ . He was even willing to keep the manacles on, for now.

He was still lounging when the door opened and a small female Irken came in, cautious and watchful. There were two more behind her, guards. “This is it?” she asked one of them. “So tall and yet, so dumb…” She scoffed, then looked up at Dib. “I know you can understand me. You are to follow.”

Dib bit his tongue to keep from shooting something insulting back, because he  _ was _ in the middle of a hostile ship.  _ Why _ had he let Zim talk him into this again? “Okay. So… where are we going?” he asked- and he couldn’t actually ask about Zim because he  _ refused _ to use the title he’d been told to, and he knew better than to just use his name.

“You don’t need to know that,” the Irken said. “Just that the Tallests have commanded it.” She paused, then added. “And your captor, Zim, wants this. It’s a gift for him.” Dib stood, frowning, but followed her out. Something in him was screaming that this was a bad bad idea, a horrible idea- and dumb! 

He kind of  _ really _ doubted that Zim had any hand in this… Zim seemed ignorant of the disdain his Tallests held him in, but they hadn’t actively sabotaged him in  _ years _ , to Dib’s knowledge, and mostly seemed like fairly harmless bullies, really. At least, if this really  _ was _ a gift, Zim would probably be there, and maybe even reason-with-able… In the meantime, he was back to looking around the ship, tall enough to easily keep up with the unknown Irken. And he knew enough Irken body-language to see how his presence discomforted the others. It was… honestly kind of nice…

And good feelings started to fade as Dib was led down, into a lab. He could see a pile of pink and black cloth- a uniform, perhaps? It was neatly folded and to the side, with other tools and items. Dib frowned, on hyper alert. Still, he was surprised when the female Irkan stared at him and pointed on an examination table. “Lay on there,” she said. “On your front.” Dib frowned, balking at the request- and then out-right panicking as a clawed wire whipped out and grabbed the manacles, dragging him. 

“Hey, no,  _ nope _ , I am  _ not _ \- shit-” He couldn’t get  _ out _ of the manacles while force was being applied, why hadn’t he  _ thought _ to make sure about that, why had he kept wearing them, and he couldn’t even get enough leverage to  _ kick _ -! The claw was  _ not _ gentle, either, dragging him into the table hard enough that Dib knew it would bruise.

“Hold still, you dumb thing,” the Irken said. A pak leg from one of the guards pinned one of his legs while he still struggled, another grabbing his second leg, while she dragged over a cart. Dib could see a pak on it, fresh panic leaving him nearly flipping the examination table he was strapped to. 

“Oh, great  _ Irk _ , this is ridiculous!” she snapped, before bending down and hissing wordlessly at Dib. “If you keep moving, this will  _ hurt more _ . So, yeah, keep fighting.” Sheer surprise had Dib freeze a moment, and she grumbled when he managed to hold back the panic after that- though really, he  _ almost _ had the table over…

Dib’s breath came in short pants as she reached for a tool and then moved to where he couldn’t see her. He felt his shirt being cut a moment later, right up the back. Incredulously, his first thought was being glad that he had left his trenchcoat in the voot. “Why-” he started to ask, only to realize that she didn’t know English and probably wouldn’t answer, either. 

“ _ Loyal _ Irkens obey their Tallests,” the answer came anyway, whether because she guessed what he was saying or some other reason, he wasn’t sure. “...Although, really,  _ ew _ . At least I don’t have to look at this long,” she muttered a moment later, dabbing something on his back- and giggling when that caused him to start fighting again. Sadism was an Irken trait, then.

“I’m not-” he tried to say, twisting his head to try and watch. But he was definitely worried now, especially when she moved again, doing something to the pak that he couldn’t see. He  _ could _ hear her, though. 

“Hold still,” she said. “It’ll just be a moment.” Did Zim really request this? Dib doubted it. Even if the Irken put up with him,  _ liked _ him, even, he would have warned Dib. But then again… what if he was wrong. 

“Okay. Well, these are  _ not _ made for other species, so this ought to be interesting! And we’re recording- great!” She clicked and chirped as she worked, and Dib was  _ reasonably _ certain that Zim wouldn’t have asked for this if he knew that- but if he didn’t?

He twisted, hoping that maybe he could take them by surprise, or something. It only resulted in his shoulder suddenly  _ hurting _ , enough that it distracted until metal was against his back. For a long moment, nothing happened, long enough for hope, and then it hurt so much he couldn’t even feel the pain.

The man’s mouth was open in a silent scream, body contorting. Something was burning through his head, and he was sure he was dying. This  _ was _ what dying was like, right? 

He went limp as the pain subsided into something raw, throbbing. Dib coughed, barely conscious, drifting along while the Irken spoke, saying something about downloads. Downloads?

And then there was information, so  _ much _ information- As much information as he had ever hoped for. Math, and science, astrology, chemistry, languages, biologies, culture, history, names, conquests, pride, honor, will, hope, several thousand petabytes, a few  _ exabytes _ of information, flashing by so fast that Dib couldn’t catch any of it.

He was sinking, something new in the information, swallowing him up. He let out a choked sound, giving in as one of the Irkens said something else. There was just darkness and a low thrum of machinery. 


	3. Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim gets a gift- does he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's briefly mentioned here- 'will' is a head-cannon we sometimes use for Irkens, which basically states that if you're determined enough, you can bend the universe to give you what you want. Of course you still have to work for it, to exert your will, that's part of the determination.

It was only a trader’s ship out near Hobo-26, which was a disappointment. But he was also itching to get back to the  _ Massive _ , to his Tallests, and Dib- mostly Dib, he had to admit. Any attempts at an update about his human had been ignored. And… well. He was tired. He’d forgotten how much space travel was awful in a ship alone. And he couldn’t even take Gir. 

Back on the ship, he was ushered towards the Tallests’ meeting room again, excited about being home, despite having nothing good to report. 

Even with nothing  _ good _ to report, he didn’t have anything  _ bad _ , and the traders  _ might _ have been out there to meet the Resisty- Zim had stayed until they had left, as much as he’d hated doing so. If there had been any meetings, they had happened before he got there, but at least his report would be  _ through _ , and then he could go and cuddle his human, despite Dib’s certain complaints about  _ all _ of that. He acted like there was something shameful going on!

The moment he entered the room, Zim felt that  _ feeling _ again, deep in his guts. He swallowed, looking at Red and Purple as they lounged in their seats. They looked so happy to see him, and listened to his hurried report with… amusement. Purple especially kept snickering, as though he could barely contain himself. 

“Good job, Zim,” Red said when he was done. “We have a surprise for you, too. A… reward fit for an invader such as yourself.” 

Zim perked again, a thrum of excitement almost obliterating the itch of…  _ something _ . Finally, recognition! More than just special missions or… “My Tallest? T- thank you!” He should say something more, maybe, but… Well, even he could realize when they didn’t really want to hear much more, he thought.

Purple gestured, and another set of doors opened. Zim wasn’t expecting Dib to enter, in a standard Irken uniform and smiling at him. He walked in, bowing to both Red and Purple as though he’d been doing it all his life. “I’ll wait in the ship,” he said, walking by Zim, and then out the door. Zim even spied a pak, guts churning again. 

The invader was so stunned that Red’s laugh had him jumping. “Do you like it, Zim? We figure you should have a proper companion instead of that… mm, shameful display of a creature you brought to our ship, for the rest of your days on that  _ miserable _ rock.” 

Shameful? Dib hadn’t been  _ shameful _ \- aside from maybe being ashamed when he shouldn’t be, but they were  _ working _ on that- “I- I… don’t understand, my Tallest,” Zim managed, looking between the two and feeling something sharp dig at him. Had they suddenly somehow  _ believed _ everything Zim had said about Dib? Of course, they  _ should _ , Zim thought, but he also suspected that… that wasn’t the answer. Not when Red had just made it clear that they  _ still _ didn’t believe he was going to conquer Earth- he had been  _ working _ on that!

“Isn’t it clear, Zim?” Purple asked, standing and jabbing a finger at the invader. “You brought that  _ thing _ onto our ship to court it! Don’t think we didn’t notice that.”

“We’re tired of it, Zim. Your ‘updates’ about your ‘mission’- there never was a mission. We hoped you’d just float to the end of space and never come back.” Red hissed, lekku back and flat. “You mentioned missing fellow invaders, didn’t you? So we, heh, made you one.” 

Zim ducked back at the hiss, paling a bit. It was a joke- or a test- it had to be- only Red actually looked mad, and Purple had the look that usually meant someone was going out an airlock for stealing snacks and… “...You gave Zim Gir…” he said, quietly. That… just got another hiss, and Zim realized rather distantly that he wasn’t going to be taking a nice shower or getting any time to rest.

Lekku flat, he backed away. “Zim didn’t think-” 

“Of course you didn’t think,” Purple snapped. “You never do,  _ Zim _ .” 

“You have three clicks to get off our ship and leave. And don’t you dare try to contact us again. Do you understand?” Zim clicked as he looked up at Red’s question. 

There was so much he wanted to ask, to say- Zim wasn’t at all sure he  _ did _ understand. But one look at Red’s face, his stance, was all that Zim needed to know that the  _ only _ acceptable answer was ‘yes’. And…  _ that _ was the feeling, he realized suddenly- the will of his Tallests, against his own, and-

“Yes,” Zim answered, before backing out, as though he had to be  _ careful _ . Once out the door, once,  _ maybe _ , safer, he saw no-one, and Zim couldn’t even begin to say what he was thinking as he returned to his ship. 


	4. Flights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, just how bad *is* this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow Wednesday. I hope everyone in the USA is staying safe.

His ship. Where Dib had already run pre-flights.

"Ready?" Dib asked cheerfully, before adding, "I was told you had a super secret mission. Want to go rest? I can get us back to base, of course." 

He…  _ sounded _ like Dib, really, so much… Zim managed something like a smile, and nodded, still not sure what had been  _ done _ to his Dib. "Sure, yes. Let me know when we've reached the solar system…" Zim agreed, because he just didn't want to  _ deal _ with this.

“Okay,” Dib said, overly cheerful. 

He should rest, he didn’t want to deal, but… “You’re cheerful. Why is Dib- th- Why?” The usual names weren’t appropriate for another invader, and they had alluded that Dib thought that was what he was, and Zim knew that undoing things in the  _ wrong _ way could absolutely destroy what was  _ left _ of his human.

“What do you mean? I’m glad to be going back to our base, that’s all, and to the mission.” Dib glanced at him, and Zim felt his guts scrunch up again at the flash of bruised skin under the uniform. “Were the Tallests happy with your report for us?” 

“Ah, yes. Zim is glad to return as well… I have missed Gir…” He had, too, especially now- and he  _ was _ glad he’d have a chance to start fixing things. He needed to tinker with the Computer a little, maybe… “They were… not entirely happy. Zim did not find what we hoped. How about you? How did Dib find the time back?” Apparently, he was dealing with this, wanting to or not. He just wished he could work out what he felt.

“It was great, we should visit more often,” Dib said. He smiled at Zim, too big and wide and nearly manic- it made the Irken’s entire frame freeze, lekku back. “Seriously, Zim. Go rest, okay?” 

“...You know they’re busy. They might… not… want us to visit more…” Zim mumbled, well aware it was unlike him. But he  _ was _ pretty exhausted, and… “Yes. I shall rest,” he said, firmer, before turning back. Even modified, the Voot didn’t have  _ that _ much room, but it was enough for Zim to curl up, and he was tired enough that sleep came quickly.

He woke up when Dib gently touched his shoulder. “Hey, we’re back in the right star system,” he said, while Zim was still blinking. There was confusion, for a moment- Dib didn’t- but then it came back and Zim chilled as his human turned away, back to the controls. “You didn’t sleep the whole of your mission, huh?”

_ That _ , at least, was easy to answer. “Of course not. Zim was alone! I dared not miss anything-” Only he had, he’d missed things before he’d even  _ left _ … “Zim feels better now. Do… you want to land us?” He  _ was _ thinking clearer, now- and as much as he did hate the thought, there were  _ benefits _ to Dib’s current state. It was just so achingly clear that Dib didn’t realize he had changed. “We were gone longer than anticipated- does my Dib have ideas for Gaz? Or- Oh, sweet Irk, my  _ base _ ! Gir has been there alone-!” It was going to be a disaster, just… there was no other option.

“Gaz…” Dib said, frowning and looking down, then shaking his head. “I don’t need to keep up that stuff anymore, not really. I mean, a call here or there, but that fake family served its purpose.” He waved a hand dismissively. “I’m sure it’s fine, right? Maybe he slept the entire time, or played with his pigs. ...I’ll land us.” 

“Uh. I  _ know _ you know Gir, Dib. We will be  _ lucky _ if it is just pigs!” Yes, it was pathetic that mud all over was the  _ good _ option. Zim sighed, because there wasn’t anything he could do about it  _ now _ . “And of course Dib is right- scary sister is easily placated when she bothers to care…” Dib did  _ not _ remember they were family, which also suggested that he didn’t think he was human, and none of that was a surprise, but it was helpful to have confirmed. He also had all the assurances of proper pilot downloads, which suggested he probably had at least the standard ones, which only made sense.

Dib shrugged. “We’ll deal with whatever he did,” he said. He didn’t answer about his family, or Zim’s concerns, simply focusing on the stealth landing of the voot into the base. “Nothing looks destroyed,” he said. “At least, more than usual.” 

“This is true,” Zim agreed, watching the hanger close and then leaving the voot. The computer came on normally, and he turned to Dib, half ready to offer a hand, to help the human- who was already standing beside him. “It  _ is _ good to return,” he admitted, and it was also nice that Dib wasn’t manically cheerful now. He seemed almost quiet, and fully content, confident… It was terrible how close to good this was.

The human shifted, then immediately went deeper into the base. “Gir?” he called out, when there was the sound of yelling from Gir and a lower growling hissing from a voice that he didn’t understand. Maybe Gir was fighting another raccoon.

“Master Zim,” the computer said quietly, distracting him. “There is a download from the  _ Massive _ to my system that needs your authorization.”

“...Download to an isolated server,” Zim answered, just as quietly. He’d set those up for various experiments, but… As strange as everything was right now, Zim refused to lose himself, or Dib. And as much as he needed some time to himself, he also wanted to get that raccoon out of the base- why was it even  _ in _ the base?

“Yes sir,” the computer said. A moment later it added, “And there was a parcel, too…” 

The angry sounds stopped a moment later, as Zim frowned. But then Dib was there, something tucked under his arm. Zim frowned, hoping that the Tallest hadn’t gone so far as to- but, of course, they had. “It was just Stubby,” he said, holding a rather beaten and crude SIR under his arm. “Gir’s programming is malfunctioning again. He didn’t recognize him.” 

Zim froze a bit, managing to remember that Dib could probably read Irken expressions even better than usual now, and managed to nod. “Of course. You… should check on him, yes, and I will check Gir.” And later he’d have to about dealing with this new wrinkle- He shouldn’t be surprised. He  _ shouldn’t _ be. Everything was terrible right now, but he would  _ fix it _ . “Ugh. You should also check what has survived the fridge. ...Or evolved…”

“Sounds good to me,” Dib said with a wide grin. “If something did evolve, maybe humans might match its intelligence, at that.” He disappeared again, and Zim immediately wanted to crawl into a hole and hide there forever. 

Was this what the Tallests wanted? Was this their goal? To reduce him to- yes. Zim didn’t finish the thought question before he answered it himself. He had been so unflinchingly loyal. But they wanted him to self-destruct. 

That… made things pretty simple, then. He was  _ not _ going to self-destruct- that was a constant. They wanted him to- had that been constant too? Zim thought that, maybe, it was, but he swept the idea away a moment later. It wasn’t  _ forgotten _ , he just couldn’t handle it. So.

His will, and the will of his- They were opposed. And now, Dib was getting what he wanted- had wanted. Only who knew what Dib wanted now?

Gir popped up, large teal optics breaking Zim’s thoughts with Gir’s own worry. Oh. Well, now he  _ knew _ things were bad.

“Master, why does the cookie man sound different?” Gir asked. “He scolded me! He tolled me not to get rid of that intruder!” 

“It’s okay, Gir. Zim knows you were doing your best,” Zim soothed, patting Gir. “He’s… He’s kind of… sick. So we have to be gentle with him, okay? Leave that… intruder-thing be, let him… pretend. Okay? Just for a while…” Dib had been helping him with Gir- and Gir loved the human, there was no other way to put it, so this might actually work. “...What happened while we were gone?” And he needed to look at what that download was, too.

“I ate lotsa marshmallows and nuts,” Gir told him. “And that intruder came in a box. And…” Gir continued to babble while Zim made his way down, to the lower levels of the lab. 

“I’m not to be disturbed,” he told the computer, before closing and locking the door to his work room behind him. 


	5. Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into Dib's mind- _Invader_ Dib's mind.

There was something… off. Dib wasn’t sure what it was. The computer was acting strange, and so was Gir. Stubby was normal- and broken again. But that was normal. He had put together the SIR at least a hundred times even just recently. The poor thing was so old and beaten up. 

And Zim, Zim was acting strange, too. What was wrong with his partner? Sure Zim had moods, but… in the hundreds of years he’d known his fellow invader, he’d never known Zim to return from a visit to the Tallests without excitement and a new fresh drive. 

Granted, it…  _ usually _ ended up in explosions and fires where they  _ shouldn’t _ be, but it was  _ also _ usually fun, and breathtaking in one sense or the other. Like the time he’d spaced the entire class, that had been… something. Good thing the uniforms included helmets…

But now, Zim was… He was  _ quiet _ , to the point that Dib was honestly wondering if he’d caught a virus his pak hadn’t noticed, as unlikely as that was. He was quiet, and when they’d taken off, he had even seemed  _ indecisive _ , for a short while. It had been rather terrifying, to be honest, from any invader, let alone  _ Zim _ .

Dib looked down at Stubby, the pale red and silver SIR blinking up at him. Stubby had never talked, unlike most SIRs, and for a moment, Dib frowned, thinking.

“ _ You’re to watch over him, soldier, _ ” Red had said. “ _ We worry he’s… off. And you know what that might need. _ ” 

Dib had nodded, vowing to follow his Tallests’ orders. At that moment, he’d mentally scoffed, despite the spike of headache. Zim? Anything but loyal? His partner would die for the empire, without question! 

He  _ still _ had no reason to doubt that, either. Yes, it was true, Earth was proving more difficult than anticipated-  _ why? No-one even doubted the skin-condition, why were they so  _ **_blind_ ** \- Dib shook his head. Obviously humanity was just… lucky. Or maybe it was because they were all pretty tall, that  _ did _ cause odd issues, and was a good part of why Dib had gone to this extreme on his own disguise. But taking a while or not didn’t change how  _ loyal _ Zim was.

The invader looked at his own hands, gross pale, pinked, and then swallowed. His head was hurting more as he considered that line of thought. The tallests just didn’t understand, that was all. They were wrong, Zim was- a bolt of pain flashed through his innards and he pitched forward. 

When he came back to himself, Dib cocked his head. Ah, right. He needed to fix Stubby again. 


	6. Tacos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim and Computer discuss things, and there are tacos.

Zim wasn’t actually sure what his first step should be. Gir was absolutely fine, clearly, and as far as Zim could tell, the house was even intact. So, it was look at the code and… plan. And  _ not _ hide… He wasn’t hiding. Download first- he grabbed a pad and started in his experiments, virtual machines and all  _ sorts _ of neat tricks he’d learned on Vort. It wasn’t that much of a surprise to find that executing the code _they_ had sent turned the virtual system into so much garbage.

It was clear, he would need to slowly work out all of what they had done to Dib. Some form of reprogramming, obviously- but what else? What else had been done? Zim broke the stylus that he was using as anger and upset rolled through him. 

Could he connect into his human’s pak- a thought he never expected to be possible? But Dib seemed loyal, so… that was a problem. But what else could he do? 

But… but if he  _ did _ , and the computer betrayed him, or was made to… “Computer! Zim is… asking your  _ opinion _ on this matter. This current state of affairs. You saw the results of the download, as well.”

“...Are we going to fix him?” Gir asked, softly, squeezing one of his many rubber pigs. This one had a hole in it.

“Yes, Gir,” Zim said. 

“I can partition a wall and send false updates,” the computer answered. “He is currently in one of the labs working on ‘Stubby.’ ...Would you like me to keep note of behaviors and changes?” 

Zim was not prepared for the  _ relief _ that flooded him from the statement, and he couldn’t help but droop. “Yes. All of that.” And then, quieter, “...Thank you, Computer. Have you… had occasion to have contact with… with that  _ thing _ …?” ‘Stubby’ was some kind of failsafe, for sure, a guardian, but… it might be salvageable as well.

“I did, to charge it,” the computer said. It buzzed, and then added, “I turned off the trackers and things. It’ll look like a short circuit. ...It was not made well. I expect it to cease functioning after a while.” 

Even Gir looked upset at that, though he was distracted when the computer used a laser pointer. “We… Shall see what becomes required. Dib is the main worry. I suppose… he has all the  _ knowledge _ of an Irken, so… if he connects, of course make any copies you can…” Pak-maintenance was a thing, as well, and it would just be a matter of keeping things  _ stable _ … until this could be  _ fixed _ .

“Of  _ course _ ,” the computer answered, sounding bored. “Hey, can I change my own coding yet?”

“I don’t know, can you, Computer?” Zim asked, snorting. The computer took that as it should, it sounded, when it huffed at him. 

“I will watch out for things, and be very discreet,” the computer said. 

“...I know,” Zim allowed, before sitting back and just… taking a moment. He was… going to be going against the Tallests… he already  _ was _ . Had been, even, maybe? “Well. I must check on Dib. And Zim must see what he now believes…” He rubbed his head, and wondered if he could tempt Dib out for tacos, or something else. Something he had liked in the past… as unlikely as Zim knew it was.

He found his human in the lab, though for a long moment, he simply looked at Dib, watching as his human worked on the ‘SIR’ unit in front of him. This was cruel. Did the Tallests think that Dib would lose his mind once back? Had they thought that giving such an antiquated thing would hurt Zim- no. No. The question was  _ how _ was it supposed to hurt Zim. 

He was still watching when Dib turned. “Hey,” he greeted. “Off to plan?”

“Zim was debating tacos,” he answered, and it was so  _ easy _ to smile at Dib, it would be so  _ easy _ to accept this for what it seemed… “Does Dib want anything?” And then, because he knew he  _ should _ , Zim added, “How… is he? I… think he… stabbed a piggy?”

“Tacos…” for a moment, Dib looked confused, concentrating. Then he blinked a few times and nodded. “Tacos sound good to me,” he said. He looked down at ‘Stubby’ and sighed. “He’s going to be okay, I think. I guess- yeah. I think he was trying to play and got wires crossed. ...Again? Again.” 

Cracks. Zim perked without meaning, and nodded. “We can take a better look at him later, if Dib-thing likes. Let us go and collect the tacos, yes?” And from everything else, it seemed that Dib considered  _ Zim _ to be the one in charge- which was also exploitable, and certainly a jab, and Zim put the thought aside. “What thoughts does Dib have?”

“Thoughts?” Dib asked. He put his tools aside, then followed Zim over to the door and out while musing over the question. “I don’t know. I guess the plan. A new plan, right? For taking over.” He considered Zim, then focused elsewhere. “Is Gir okay? He didn’t… seem to like me.”

“Gir loves Dib. ...He must have been… worried about his piggy, yes. Yes, certainly.” That wasn’t even wrong, because Gir seemed to think Dib was a piggy as often as not. Or a squirrel, or… well, there was a reason Gir’s surveillance footage was useless. “We can wait a day for planning. ...Or at least long enough to get tacos!”

Dib didn’t look certain, but followed Zim’s lead, “I don’t remember you liking tacos all that much- are we getting them because of Gir?” he asked. Zim swallowed, nodding. “Makes sense. And… I am hungry.” 

“Eh… the newer vegetarian tacos are not terrible,” Zim answered, nodding. “But yes- Zim! shall be bringing tacos back for Gir as well. ...When did you last eat?” Because that mattered- what if the Tallests actually  _ had _ gone through the effort of  _ breaking _ a pak? Though it  _ was _ more likely they just expected Dib to break and Zim to hide and- well. It wasn’t going to happen!

There was a long moment of quiet, and then Dib frowned and shrugged. “I think a while ago,” he said. “I’m sure recently enough. I just got distracted and busy, that’s all.” He looked confused again, and frowned, uncertain, before shaking his head. “You’ve got to be more hungry. Long missions, you know.” Ah, there. Another crack. Zim worried. 

“Yes- we have both been busy! Busy and distracted, and now we shall have  _ tacos _ !” Zim agreed, pulling back verbally. Something like this could  _ easily _ cause cascading failure, and Zim knew he had been getting impatient. And maybe he could make a doomy plan that would buy them enough time, too…

Dib laughed quietly, then nodded. "Yeah… yeah. That sounds good, Zim." He smiled again, then relaxed once more, or at least tried to. He could work with this. He could. Getting the tacos helped, and Dib ate probably twice as many tacos compared to his typical. Zim blamed the pak. 

But it was good, and Dib was smiling, and not even the manic smile! 

  
The good mood lasted as they went home, and Zim nearly turned on  _ Mysterious Mysteries _ from habit. Gir was watching something, which saved Zim from that mistake. All that he really could do, though, was start working on a plan, trying to find something that would seem like invading, but that wouldn't work and that Dib,  _ his real Dib _ , would be okay with. It was cutting into the time needed to fix things!


	7. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim is sorry. He really is.

It took way too long, but he was lucky that Dib was using that time on trying to fix Stubby. He needed to get into Dib’s pak, and a casual comment about maintenance could get him that, he was sure. He just needed to see what they had put in- and what had happened while he was out in space. 

Even needing, and concerned about what had happened, Zim found himself  _ hesitating _ . He was  _ scared _ , something he didn’t think he had ever felt, not like this. Scared and  _ doubting _ , and he didn’t need the computer to point out how weird that was. The realization did at least spur him, as he watched Dib working. “Have you been in your pak since we got back? I haven’t seen it, at least,” Zim commented, pulling his own off to poke the innards a bit. There wasn’t anything he needed to  _ do _ , because  _ he _ hadn’t been in one place long enough for anything to happen.

“No,” Dib answered, looking uneasy. He frowned, then glanced at Zim, moving closer. “Why aren’t you just docking in?” Dib asked. 

Of course, that made sense. Control brains in a base could easily run scans on paks for any maintenance. But Zim was a hands-on type of Irken, something that the Tallests did not know. That meant that they did not include such specific false memories. This was good- he could work with this. “Zim wants to do it by hand,” he said. “It was suggested while we visited last.”

“But- but that’s… Zim…” Oh, Dib was definitely unsure, and unhappy. His curiosity was also peeking through as he bent enough to actually see inside, and for just a moment he was  _ Dib _ , allowed to see something amazing, and precious. “You actually…  _ know _ how to…?”

“Eh… Zim is not a full pak-technician. But yes, the  _ amazing _ Zim knows how to carry out most repairs. I learned on Vort.” When no-one had stopped to think about what he could look up. “...The time-limit  _ is _ annoying, though, yes.”

Dib looked inside again, swallowing and blinking, but then settling down, smoothing. Dib’s own will was stronger than whatever reprogramming they’d done in this moment, though it was only another crack before he shook his head. “You should be more careful. Will you show me how?” 

“Perhaps Dib could dock this time,” Zim answered casually. “Zim could show and help with fixes after.” He really  _ did _ believe that everyone ought to know how to at least manage basic repairs on a pak, and Dib would enjoy it, but… Docking also mattered, in this case. He huffed as the clock got lower than he liked, and finished up so he could stop it, aware that Dib was also likely keeping count. “...I should, too, just to update the records…”

Dib nodded, relaxing when the pak was back on Zim, tingling as the lines reasserted themselves. 

A moment later and he was docking, the computer buzzing with the notice and immediately pinged about downloading and copying everything for him. That was an utter relief. 

There were a few obvious errors, as well- actual errors, because apparently no-one had taken Dib’s alien physiology into account when attaching the pak. Zim could see a few other places where the code was noticeably different, as well, but mostly it was moving too fast for him to get a real look. Even with all the extra stuff, Dib was undocking soon enough, looking a bit happier.

He would look more directly later with fixes to the code. “Does Dib feel better?” he asked. Zim was relieved when Dib nodded. “Zim is, too.” 

“Good. You know… you’ve been kind of… weird, since you got back. I remember… you’d scream about not being tired even half-way to shut-down…” Dib chuckled, smiling softly, and lost in a memory that hadn’t happened. “I mean, I know, I get it- the Tallests have been asking a  _ lot _ of you lately. Us, but mostly you, but, well…”

Zim’s lekku flattened against his skull, and he frowned. “Zim is fine,” he lied with utter ease. Whatever fake fond memory Dib had- he wished it was true, maybe. He could guess. “I have not been weird, just working on many things. Dib has been, too.” 

“You’ve seemed… tense, then, that’s all,” Dib answered, moving to stand behind Zim and rubbing his shoulder a little. “When’s the last time you were able to really relax? It’s like you forget I’m here…”

Oh. Oh, and that wasn’t  _ fair _ .

Zim swallowed, then pulled away. "Zim does not need to relax. Dib should go check on Stubby and make sure he is not glitching again." He felt his guts squeeze as he saw the hurt look on Dib's face, but pretended otherwise.

Dib left without further comment, and Zim let himself slump to rest his head on the table. It wasn’t  _ fair _ , it really wasn’t… But, of course, none of the rest of his life had been fair, and how could he  _ possibly _ have not expected this? He should have, and should have found a way to handle this better, but of course ‘should’ didn’t matter, and… And he just had to get through this. He’d got what he  _ needed _ .

He worked through the night, and he knew that Dib was checking on him every so often, though his human said nothing and Zim pretended that he didn't notice. The code was a mess- hormones alone would probably have Dib off balance, and not to mention the rest of it. 

And Dib was distant in the following days, while Zim was nervous again. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, or how he was going to be able to get in to take care of this. 

The only real approach Zim could come up with was… awkward. It was also uncomfortably likely to cause problems, just because Dib probably thought, currently, that Zim never would, maybe even couldn't. It was also just uncomfortable. "Zim was… rude. And I am… sorry."

Dib looked at him, then smiled, and he knew that was the human, the Dib part that already forgave him and made this even worse. "It's okay," he said. "You're just stressed out. I understand."

He shouldn't, and Zim  _ knew _ he shouldn't, but he spoke anyway. "Zim is… not allowed to return," he said, needing to say it, to hear it. But… Dib couldn't fully handle that, was frowning already, and Zim shook his head. "They didn't take Earth away. Maybe it's just until that." That should ring false, even to Dib like this, but it may stabilize things- or start things.

"What?" Dib asked, frowning. "What do you mean? That makes no sense!" He flinched, then stepped closer to Zim, examining, looking for cracks. "How could they say you can't come back? And to not take away this mission- that doesn't make sense either. What are you talking about?" 

"Now Dib-thing knows why Zim has been so quiet…" Zim answered, with just a bit of laughter that he couldn't stop, because saying this  _ hurt _ , as much as Dib's state hurt, as much as offers he  _ wanted _ but couldn't take. "...Zim is even thinking they are not… entirely fair…" It was so much less that the nicest thing Dib had said about them, but it was something an invader should never think.

"But-" Dib stopped, flinching and looking startled. "But that isn't- that doesn't make sense at all, it doesn't!" A moment later and he was touching his own head, working through what Zim knew was loyalty programming. "Zim, you can't be serious." 

"Zim is… I am not sure… But Zim knows he is not allowed back…" He stepped forward, reaching for Dib even though he didn't know what to do, how to help. "The computer can help with that…"

There was a moment, and then Zim actually jumped as the computer took the initiative and looped wires around Dib, yanking him back into a dock and pinning him into place. "Hey!" Dib called out, looking so  _ betrayed _ . "Let go, don't-!" He struggled, then let out a sharp cry of pain as the computer started working. 

"Computer-!" Zim cried, startled and worried and- the computer projected what it was doing, though, how very fragile parts of Dib's coding  _ was _ , never meant to last, and with no accounting for humanity, how even being here was degrading them, too fast. And the computer didn't pause or react to Zim's comment at all.

"Zim, stop-!" Dib continued to struggle, kicking out and fighting as much as he could. But he was growing more and more sluggish as the computer worked. "Zim, please, stop," he gasped one last time. 

"Zim is not," Zim said- though a moment later he was sitting down. "How much is possible at one time, compu- ah. You’re concentrating…" And probably couldn't answer, Zim realized, though maybe he could help.

Dib closed his eyes, and Zim swallowed, wanting to move closer, take his hand and offer comfort. "Estimated three hours," the computer said. "...It is for your own good," he added to Dib. 

"I don't- I don't… want…" Dib murmured, the words so very, very soft. And, "I'm Dib…"

"Yes. You are my Dib…" Zim murmured, before he  _ was _ able to work, a bit, on the code.

"Why?" Dib asked, gasping as one of the bits of code clicked into place. "I can't- I'm me- me?" He was so confused, and startled, and couldn't think. Zim knew that, he could tell, especially as Dib tried to reach out again. 

"Shh… Try and rest, Dib-thing. You will be okay. You will be good…" How much of that Dib could even understand now was unsure. And Zim wasn't sure if this would be all that was needed- probably not, but at least then it would just be normal organic brain-meat problems.

Dib relaxed after a few more moments, and Zim was sure that was because the computer had sedated him. Zim shivered, pulling his legs up in a mimic of the human pose. It helped. He took a deeper breath then, trying to get as much done as he could. 

  
The loyalty programming was already weakened, and the computer seemed to be working more on bug fixes. That left Zim to make the real changes, and just… This had to work. This  _ had _ to- so it would. That was all there  _ could be _ to this


	8. Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally forgot what day it is! Technically I got this on Friday, but... >< Sorry, everyone!

Time passed, and Zim paused only when the computer finished the bulk of the fixes, as Dib started to wake again. He shifted, still sluggish and confused. "Zim…?" he asked. 

"Zim is here. How is Dib?" Zim answered, reminding himself that there was  _ no way _ everything was going to be okay. But they were going to start…

"My head hurts," Dib answered. "And I feel sick…" he blinked, then pulled at the wires holding him down. "What's going on?" he asked. "Zim? What's going on?" There was an edge of panic and fear. 

It  _ seemed _ like Dib. Zim worried, still, though. "Zim is trying to help Dib. What do you remember? Zim will answer, but needs to know where to start."

"I remember going on a trip. I remember…" he blinked, gasping and looking around. "Why am I here, or like this? What's going on, Zim? I remember being dragged, fighting and… dreaming?" He swallowed, shaking his head. 

"Not sure how much of it was dreaming…" Zim murmured. "Dib has been gone… Zim was foolish. You… need to stay there a bit longer. Keep… keep talking? We are… nearly almost done."

"You were in trouble," Dib said. "I… why am I here, Zim? Why is there stuff flashing through my head? I… can't think. I'm so tired…" He tried looking around, and down, at his arms, at Zim. 

"Dib is in Zim's base. You are safe. Zim is safe. They lied to us. We're… Fixing your pak." Zim looked at Dib, worried by that reaction, because he knew that was a lot to hit the human with, if he understood it.

"Pak?" Dib asked, confused and looking even paler, more tired- sick, even. But… this was needed. "Pak… oh. Oh god, that wasn't a dream? Am I still asleep?" 

"Dib is not sleeping. You'll be okay, though." Zim reached for Dib's hand, patting him gently. "I'm not going to leave you." Another worry came suddenly, and Zim frowned. "I didn't ask for this, Dib. I… Rest. if you can."

Dib shook his head, but he was already succumbing to sleep again, or at least dozing. Thankfully, between the computer and Zim they could get things finished, or at least, more so. It was enough that Zim thought he could undock his human and possibly get him to bed. 

He dared to curl up with Dib, like before, though it had never been precisely  _ common _ . It had been tending that way, and now… Now Dib needed rest, and comfort, and this was the best way to give it. And Zim felt like he could finally, really rest too, at least for a little. They hadn't won.

Touch to his cheek woke him, soft,  _ testing _ . And then movement, too, as Dib sat up. Zim stayed still for what felt like hours, wondering how he could do this. In reality, it was only a few minutes, and then Zim shifted to show he was awake. "Zim? Am I dreaming now? I…" He paused, then went on, "It's not been a dream, has it? I feel... different." 

"No dream," Zim agreed, softly. "But Zim will not let that happen again. Tell Zim about it?" Talk was usually good, right? And clothing- they were both wearing Irken uniforms, and Zim thought he shouldn't any more- He didn't  _ want _ to. "I… can try to help you with which memories are true…"

Dib cocked his head to the side, then rubbed his face. “...You wanted me to go with you. To see a ship- an important ship-  _ the _ ship. But… then they said you had something you had to do.” He frowned, swallowing, and then reached behind, touching the top of the pak attached to him. “They held me down, said it was what you wanted.” 

Zim shifted, rubbing Dib’s face as well. “Zim was sent away. I… asked, but I couldn’t go… get you. And I… didn’t recognize the feelings of will. I believed you would be safe…” And then, because Dib needed to know where the lie was and was not, he added, “I did not… ask for this. But… Zim did… did want Dib to want. Zim… wanted… the option. But… None of the brain-melty stuff!”

“I thought I was an invader,” Dib said. “I had these… these memories. Memories about being made, and, and-” He swallowed, gasping a little. “They told me to watch you, because something was off. They said it was my duty. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to listen, and I tried to fight it, no matter how much it hurt.” 

“Of course… Dib is strong. And… Zim is pretty sure most of the memories are there still. They… weren’t a priority…” They were also dangerous to mess with, especially without the subject’s help- and what if Dib wanted them, for some reason? “...Zim… is ‘off’, though. ...Pretty sure you’ve… got the culture downloads too, so…” He chilled, a little, at saying it, but Dib had noticed long ago. “Dib will be okay. And then we can- can… Zim… can’t, yet. ...You looked… really good, all… confident, though…”

Dib was confused- Zim could tell. But a moment later and he blinked a bit. “You liked me like that?” he asked. He frowned. “But… I came on to you and- oh.” Zim could tell that he was looking through things, working out the use of a pak while he didn’t have the ‘memories’ associated with it at the forefront any longer. Then flushed. “But you said no and pushed me away.” 

And that  _ still _ wasn’t fair, Zim thought, nodding slowly. “Dib was… not Dib. ...If we… already had, Zim  _ may _ have… But it wasn’t…  _ you _ . ...Zim… barely managed no…” He had considered it for a lot longer than he should have, really, even if Dib hadn’t noticed, still new to the sheer processing power a pak could lend. “...Zim didn’t… expect the computer to act. I’m glad it did…”

“It’s been poking me a lot, trying to get me to think again, when you weren’t around…” Dib took a deeper breath. “I was so disappointed,” he admitted after a moment more, swallowing and then smiling a little, shyly. “That part wasn’t entirely fake memories and stuff…” 

“Zim… worried that Dib would… remember and shatter. Cascade failure.” The rational should be available to Dib, if he needed it, but Zim was pretty sure his human understood anyway. He ducked a little at the next statement, before patting Dib a little with his lekku. “It wasn’t?”

“No,” Dib answered. “I… think I understand why you would worry? Um. But… no. It wasn’t even mostly because of the memories, I don’t think. I… was still me, in there. I think? I’m… I know. Like. I can tell what is me and what was the pak- is the pak.” 

“...It…  _ is _ you. Or… will be. The memories aren’t a big deal. They’ll be marked, and organized, and the parts that need to be corrected can be, and… And it will be you, as much as Zim’s pak is Zim. But… Zim does understand.” Because, right  _ now _ , Dib’s pak  _ wasn’t _ , quite, Dib. “You’re… not angry?”

Dib shifted, shaking his head. “I’m not angry at  _ you _ ,” he said. “I’m angry at  _ them _ -” he paused, wincing and cringing, probably from remnants of the coding. “I’m… I don’t know what I feel, even. But I’m not… not angry at you, Zim. I’m… just kind of. Um. Here.” 

“Ah- yeah. Some of your… They didn’t account for human… anything. Let’s… Do you want to go work on that more? Or… ...Zim wants new clothing. Dib- still has some here…” Zim didn’t pull away, happy to be close to Dib, happy to think that he  _ was _ wanted…

“I want to, but… clothing. Yeah. I have smaller stuff you can wear- I have that here, still, right? So… you could wear that while we, um try to get different stuff.” Dib looked uncomfortable, then shook his head. “You’ve never not worn your… uniform?” He looked down, then shook his head. “Oh- and I’m wearing it, too?” 

“You are. You’re actually… you’re coded as an invader…” And that  _ did _ hurt, but it was also kind of horribly funny, and tearing his shirt off seemed the easiest way to deal with any of it. “Dib left his clothing here. Gir and the computer have hid it from, ah… ‘Stubby’.” And that was something else to deal with, but between Dib and the computer, it was harmless now.

Dib made an odd new sound at the mention of Stubby. “Oh. Ah, fuck. Okay. I… feel like I like that thing- him, but… at the same time, I don’t… um. Okay. One thing at a time. Clothing? I feel… gross.” He touched his own arm, scrubbing at the skin there, and frowning. “Why would they… ‘code’ me like that?” 

“...To hurt Zim,” Zim answered, before shrugging. “Maybe even to see if it was possible…” He pet Dib’s arm, then reached down to help his human with undressing. “It’s not… bad. Um. It doesn’t… have to be? It gives Dib power. And… that thing can be rescued. Shower?” They could clean, and deal with this, and Dib could at least maybe feel cleaner.

“Power?” Dib asked, letting Zim help him, and then even going so far as to help Zim. “Shower,” he agreed, easily, nodding and standing, and looking down at himself again. “I’m… um. Hey. Are… you okay?” he asked. 

“Okay? I… Zim is the reason you are hurt. I left you. I trusted… You  _ told _ me not to. And… And Zim is not sure- saying more… You don’t need to hurt any more. And not because of anything I say…” Like his feelings, now, about the Tallests- It was obvious there was still loyalty programming, Dib’s not yet shredded to nothing. “Shower.” Naked, Zim crossed to the bathing chambers, where Dib’s favorite soaps still were.

The human followed him. “But… yeah. I did. I told you I didn’t trust it, I said a lot of things that you ignored, because you’re  _ you _ .” A moment later and he touched Zim’s shoulder, bending to press his face against Zim’s neck. “But that is part of why I like you. I’m trying not to focus on that. I’m… trying to focus on the fact that I am here, and clear-ish again.”

That… that made sense, and Zim nodded, reaching up to run a hand through Dib’s hair. “Dib is here,” he agreed, before he had to pull back, enough to turn on the shower, fussing a bit until he got Dib to sit down, wanting to wash and care for his human- and not sure if Dib could handle bathing quite yet. The bruising had faded, at least, faster than it should have.

Dib frowned, but thankfully, he didn’t seem to be worried about being naked at least. “I can wash myself, Zim. I’m not broken or anything. I don’t think.” He looked at Zim in that way that was curious and stubborn and so much like the human that was  _ his _ .

“Dib is going to be washing  _ Zim _ ,” Zim answered, because that  _ had _ been his plan. And then, “At least… let me get your hair?” At least they hadn’t shaved that, or anything… “Zim wants to. We have… not been as cuddly…”

“Okay, that’s fair.” Dib said. “We… haven’t been cuddly, not as much as before. It… I’ve missed it.” He paused again, then grinned a bit, but let Zim take his time to wash his human’s hair. It was nice, weird, true, but… nice. Zim liked it, as much as the other was weird about it. 

Zim didn’t deny his impulses to pet Dib a bit, his face and neck, just  _ touches _ , because he  _ could _ now. He was careful not to push, as much as Zim honestly did want to do as much as he could, as much as Dib would give him. He  _ did _ offer the sponge after hair was done, though it was as much asking as anything.

“Thank you,” Dib murmured, smiling a little and then taking the sponge, moving and pushing Zim to sit this time, before running the sponge over him. “Hey. It’ll be okay, right? We’ll make this okay. ...I… know you’ve got to be upset about a lot. Like… getting stuck here, on this rock with nothing. But we can try to make it worth something.”

That was so entirely different from what Zim had  _ actually _ been thinking that he was completely stunned for a long moment. He wasn’t even, really, stuck on earth- or anywhere. He was just  _ forbidden _ from some places. But Dib’s concern sank in, and Zim smiled. “It  _ will _ be okay. Dib is right. But… being here is not what upsets Zim.”

Dib shook his head, still washing Zim with delicate touch and hands. “I just mean… I know you’ll miss your home. If it’s not that, then…?” The question was careful and gentle, but also open to Zim not answering. 

“It was never home,” Zim had to admit, softly. “...Vort was, for a while. But there’s nothing left there, either.” Dib would know why- did, the human flinching just a tiny bit as the knowledge popped through. “...Zim will miss snacks. I didn’t even get any…” The good ones, the ones he couldn’t order.

“Maybe we can recreate them. Or… figure something out,” Dib suggested. He finished, then worked to help Zim rinse, while Zim stole the sponge back. “And we can go get you clothing, whatever you want. No more shitty uniforms.” He winced as he said that, but grit his teeth. 

“Don’t- Dib should wait. To say that. Just a little,” Zim said, frowning, and he didn’t  _ like _ that he was telling his Dib to hide himself, but… He sighed. “Or ignore Zim. I worry…” He needed not to- to doubt Dib. To treat Dib like the human was broken. “Zim… is interested in getting new clothing. I’ve… always been interested, making disguises. Or watching what Dib-thing chose to wear…”

Dib looked down. “Sorry,” he said. “I… guess I should.” He paused, thinking things over, then said, while smiling again, softly. “We can get you a better disguise,” he said. He pulled back after a moment, settling for a moment while Zim rinsed and then went to wash Dib with that chance. 

It didn’t take long, really- Dib had been keeping up with that just fine before yesterday. The contact seemed to help Dib, though, and Zim remembered being told about touch, how vital it was to humans. After washing, they went back to the room, which Dib had to face the choice of which shirts he was willing to modify.


	9. Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, they can't keep wearing uniforms for an Empire they hate, can they?

Zim pulled out the clothing he’d hidden, and Dib picked through, pulling on undergarments and pants, and then offering some to Zim. It was an older pair of pants, one that barely fit after Dib’s last growth spurt, which had him a full two heads taller than Zim. “Here,” he said. “This, for now. We can cut it and find better for you.” He started going through other things after, looking at shirts. 

It was… strange, having nothing but human cloth against his skin, settling everything. He needed a belt to keep the pants on, hips nearly nonexistent, and the slice in the shirt was barely enough to allow it to slip on when Dib handed it to him. The next shirt was bigger, and Dib was frowning, licking his lips a little as he handed it to Zim. Zim took more care with this cut, before helping Dib slip it on, and tension he hadn’t noticed slipped from him.

Dib did smile a little as Zim examined the cloth, frowning. He was  _ cold _ . “I know it’s probably thin fabric. And we will probably have to work on getting better stuff- maybe modifying...” He shifted, then shook his head, but moved to help get Zim his wig. 

“...I’d like that. But… Zim would like to see Dib’s pak. I promised to show how to manually mod- maintain it, yes?” Shred out the last of the loyalty coding, at least, and then it would just be whatever imprints there were on his mind- but Zim was certain that Dib could overcome  _ that _ . Zim had, after all.

“Now?” Dib asked. But then he nodded, anyway. It was hard to think that Dib was still so trusting after everything. “Whenever you think is best, I guess. It might make shopping easier, actually.”

“Now. It won’t take long- and will give the shops time to open. You didn’t… actually sleep  _ that _ long, Dib-thing…” Longer than an Irken, but shorter than most humans, and certainly shorter than Dib had before. “Let’s go back to the lab. ...And try not to panic when it’s off. Zim almost did-” It was a short enough story, but lasted them to the lab, where Gir was making either Christmas decorations or guns. Or both.

Dib looked uncertain, but then took a deep breath and let Zim help him take it off. Zim could see him starting to panic, though it was tempered with a few more deep breaths. “I’m okay,” he said. “Show me so we can get this done.” 

“Well, you can get away with saying ‘fuck Irk’ now…” Zim answered, though it was still hard for him to actually say. “Here, see this screen? That shows the code, so…” This part didn’t have to be manual, of course, but he thought that Dib might want the time alone, even with the worry.

For a long moment, Dib was quiet. Then he shook his head. “Okay,” he said. He moved from foot to foot, anxious until the pak was back on him and in place. The code fixes were there, at least for the last of the loyalty code. Dib breathed a sigh of relief. “Better. Fuck both of those tall ass douche-nozzles,” he grumbled. 

Zim tensed, and then let out a shaky breath as Dib’s statement brought nothing. “Yes. Only Zim plans to do worse. Their will is for me- for us to die, and… Zim will not allow that. Nor will Dib…” No, his Dib had already shown that! “...Zim really does need better clothing, though…” And it might do Dib good to get out of the base, again.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Dib agreed. “Before my urge to just crawl under the bed and hide out wins.” It was half a joke, and he took a deeper breath again, before taking Zim’s hand in his own, too. “I know a good store that’ll work. It should be empty, I think…” 

“...Hiding will let them win. Otherwise you would be crawling next to  _ me _ , Zim!” He gave a little grin, before squeezing Dib’s hand as they went to the elevator. Zim grumbled as he pulled the wig on.

Dib nodded, then shivered. “We should get you nicer contacts, too,” he said, helping Zim with those, too. He shook his head, pausing when they got outside, to his actual car. “... I’m glad I remember how to drive a car…” he commented. 

“It’ll get copied. Maybe the computer will even send the knowledge up, until Irkens even in the heart of the Empire know how to drive a car. Without even knowing what a car is…” Zim said, grinning a little at the idea. 

That got a soft chuckle, and then they were on the way, soft music playing from the radio, which certainly seemed to be a good thing for Dib’s mood as they travelled. The store they stopped at was a large one, and his human smiled at Zim again. “...I admit, I like the idea of getting to help you find stuff.” 

“...Zim is… curious, what you will suggest. Though, from Dib-beasts older wardrobe, perhaps I should worry, more, what you think is fit to cloth Zim?” Not that he really had any room to talk when it came to monochrome fashion sense, only Zim wasn’t actually sure what he  _ did _ like to wear. “Come! Let us… shop!”

Dib snorted, and picked a cart for them. He showed Zim a few things as they looked, picking a lot of t-shirts and simple pants in different sizes for himself and Zim too. And then he pointed out 'halter tops' and other 'backless' things. "We should try these on," he said. 

“We… won’t get in… trouble? Zim has noticed ‘gender norms’ seem important…” Zim said, though he was also happily grabbing some of the indicated clothing. He liked the one with grey and black sequins, and wondered if he could convince Dib to wear it. It was the right color!

“We can point out that these are medical devices and stuff, I think,” Dib answered. “If anyone says anything, I mean. But… no. I mean, it shouldn’t be a problem, and especially not in the base, right?” Zim clicked, then grabbed a few more things. Dib chuckled at him quietly, but was doing the same. 

“It never occurred to Zim to think of them like that,” he commented, grabbing a bright yellow sundress. There really were many more options on this side of the store, and Zim didn’t think more than twice before grabbing the platform boots he also saw, before wondering if he could convince Dib to try heels. “We… are supposed to see if these fit first, yes? ...How?”

Here,” Dib said, gesturing. His human pushed the cart to a corner, bundling clothing into his arms and gesturing for Zim to do the same, before leading the Ieken into a hall of little rooms with doors and mirrors and large racks of more mismatched clothing. Dib picked one of them, gesturing for Zim to join him in. “These are changing rooms to try stuff on,” he said. “We can try on as much as we like and what doesn’t fit or we don’t want goes on the racks to be put back.” 

Zim nodded, considering how to approach things for a moment before simply pulling his borrowed shirt off. “Irk has no shops like this- I suppose you know, now. It is… simpler, and yet… Zim has seen so many uniform variations. Most of which are completely out of regulation…” No-one wore  _ yellow, _ though, and Zim started with that dress, getting a little caught up in the straps.

“Let me help you,” Dib said with a grin, fixing the straps and shifting things a bit. “There you go,” he said. “That looks nice on you, Zim. Fuck uniforms- I only worry you’ll be cold.”

“Zim will adjust! Or… well, my pak will…” They hadn’t really spoken much about paks before, which Zim did regret, but that was turning out okay, at least. “Mm… And there are clothing-drones, are there not? Who can make things… fit better?” He was sure he’d heard about that, or something. He shoved the grey-and-black halter at Dib, in turn, twisting as he evaluated the dress.

Dib blinked. “I don’t know if this’ll look good on me, but… I suppose I can try it,” Dib said. He shook his head, but Zim simply went back to examining the dress. And Dib was talking, anyway. “Yeah. There are people who can sew things. I can do a little bit, but not a lot.” 

“So, coats will not be out of the question. Even my Dib-thing’s favorite.” Zim nodded, pleased, before pulling off his borrowed pants, and then pausing a moment. Skirts were… strange, but it wasn’t entirely horrible. Still, he was hoping that one of the other pairs of pants, and leggings, would fit. He had… so many options… He chilled, daunted by the options.

“Yeah,” Dib said. He touched Zim’s shoulder, and the Irken warmed again, turning and making a soft series of clicks. Oh. He liked Dib in that. It was nice on the human, wrapping up and around his throat and down, while being sleeveless and offering plenty of pak breathing room. “...What, um, do you think? Feels way too fancy for me, but…”

“Fuck too fancy,” Zim murmured, his own worries forgotten. “If we’re picking clothing, we might as  _ well _ get nice ones. Zim even got the right colors…” And if Dib tried to hang that back up, Zim would just have to steal it back. “ _ And _ it’s sparkly.” That made it even better, clearly.

Dib chuckled. “Okay, okay. I know you like sparkly things,” he said. He did take it off, placing it into one pile, which Zim decided was the pile of things to keep. They continued trying things until there was a sizable pile for keeping, and another bigger pile that didn’t fit or wasn’t comfortable. None of it was pink, but there were some light purples in the mix. “Feel better?” Dib asked, as Zim wiggled, not entirely wanting to take off the oversized sweater that his human had picked out. “We can get another of those, if you want.” 

“Mm… yes. More sweaters for  _ Zim _ !” the Irken agreed, cackling and feeling  _ so _ much better. It would take some time to get used to having so much skin exposed,  _ especially _ on a planet with acid rain, and he could just  _ imagine _ the reaction on most other planets, and… he didn’t care, Zim realized. “And fixing Dib’s coat.”

His human nodded, then grinned a bit. “Come on, you can put that back on in the car, yeah?” They did put things into a bin to be hung back up, and then Dib led him to the front, paying for things and chuckling as Zim stole the closest sweater the moment they left the store. It happened to be the one picked for Dib, which was even better and bigger. 

It was honestly big enough that Zim didn’t need to wear anything under it, and Zim tucked that idea aside for later. He also pulled out his new boots, white with neon green laces, though he only spent the ride properly lacing them. “How is Dib-thing? I’m… feeling pretty good, actually. A bit… unsure, where to start, but that will pass.”

“I’m… here.” Dib frowned a moment, then sighed quietly. “I don’t know, to be honest. I feel pretty good, too. It’s kind of weird, actually? This was a good idea, though. Getting out, doing something that I know- that’s really helped, I think.” 

"There… is no reason not to feel good. There are still some fixes needed, yes, but… Dib is free. And finally has what you wanted… And Zim is okay with it. And we had fun. I had fun…" He was happy with the clothes, and Dib's smile.

His human smiled again, driving them back to the base and carrying one of the big bags, while Zim carried the other. At the point, Zim mostly wondered if he could get Dib to go back to cuddling, or napping, maybe after they both ate something. 

He was not anticipating Stubby meeting them upstairs, or Gir petting the ‘intruder’ and looking entirely too pleased. Out of everything, the waffles were the only thing that Zim  _ might _ have managed to correctly anticipate. “We wuz talkin’ about mooses!” Gir said, sounding quite proud.

“Mooses, huh?” Dib asked. He walked over, holding Stubby while they ate, and as the silent SIR watched them. Gir proceeded to bring plates of waffles, talking excitedly about mooses the entire time. 

It wasn’t, really, a surprise when Stubby wriggled free after the meal and started to clean up, while Zim collected Dib. “Wanna watch something? It’s been a busy day, and… Zim has finally learned the importance of rest…” he teased.

Dib thought about it, then nodded. Zim certainly didn’t say anything against it when his human fell asleep halfway through some program, head in Zim’s lap. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not that it's ever made clear, but as a side note- Gir reprogrammed Stubby there, to make him (more) friendly and purely loyal to Dib. Not that Stubby was really a threat to start, but Gir fixed what there might have been. At least that was my intention...


	10. Legs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib's got 'em. Might as well use 'em.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >< I'm sorry, everyone. This chapter is late and there's no excuse. Still, please enjoy!

Dib was… pretty sure this wasn’t his best idea. It was no-where  _ near _ as bad as his  _ previous _ ‘not best’ idea, of course, because it was going to take a  _ lot _ to top walking into the  _ Massive _ . He was  _ still  _ getting caught by surprise when he noticed he had hair and not lekku sometimes, and he found himself legitimately missing what was now Callnowia. And yet… Zim had a point. He  _ had _ a pak, now, and he  _ had _ those creepy spider-legs, and everything else, if he could just… figure it out.

He took a deep breath, then stretched. This had been easy before he remembered himself, and he knew it. Now, he took a moment, then took a deeper breath and-

_ Shhhriinnggg- _ the first pak leg he was trying to use made a metallic sound as it jolted from the pak, hitting a metal pipe above him with another  _ bgooong _ of a sound. “Shit,” Dib said, because the second was already following from the command he’d dumbly given, and he yelped as it hit another pipe and startled him. 

“Well. At least I know these pipes aren’t important,” Dib muttered- and he actually  _ had _ checked. He  _ knew _ how sharp these were, from actual real experience, not just dumb ghost memories that weren’t-

And they all slipped out, at the ready, before he got startled and pulled them back in. Great, now could he just do that on  _ purpose _ ? Just one- he’d really like that, one with a light so he could read, because thank goodness he still had his eyes  _ and why hadn’t they fixed those too? _

The upper left pak leg jerked again, this time hitting another pipe and bending it. He winced again, because that wasn’t right at all. And then he sighed, trying to pull them in. Except one- he still wanted to try and get some sort of light, so-

In an instant, he was suddenly on his back, groaning as the pipes he’d been trying to avoid collapsed. On impulse, Dib curled, trying to protect himself. Some of the pak legs helped, but mostly he lay there groaning as the cloud of dust started to lift. 

“So, great, the only fucking time I can manage anything is when I’m not thinking about- that makes no  _ sense _ !” He couldn’t even roll over and flop on his back properly, and Dib groaned again. For a moment- a brief moment- he thought about  _ looking _ . He’d gotten downloads- the memory still made him frown- but the information should be  _ right there _ . Only he’d have to look.

Dib took a deeper breath, then pushed at one of the pipes, groaning a little at the feel of that. Oh, he was going to be  _ bruised _ to hell and back. He thought about it, then took a breath again, before trying to barely touch the memory of using a pak leg- without really looking at it- and actually move the leg at the same time. All four of the pak legs spasmed again, and Dib hissed as one managed to hit at the right angle, slicing his lower leg and thigh. 

“Ah,  _ fuck _ ,” Dib growled, even though the pain was already fading.  _ Those _ pak-responses worked well enough, at least, for all they weren’t adjusted to him. The painkillers always made his whole limb numb, and it was really gross to be able to  _ watch _ his blood coagulate into scabs. He really did need to get that adjusted…

“Going to try again?” Zim asked, from fucking  _ nowhere _ . Damnit.

“Fuck off,” Dib grunted. He glared at Zim, trying to pull himself up and failing miserably. This sucked. It really sucked. He hated it. Even worse, he managed to nearly slice himself  _ again _ when a flailing pak leg actually did manage to be returned to its housing. 

“I cut off my leg the first time,” Zim commented, going to sit next to Dib and patting him a bit. “How hard do you have to work to throw a punch?” It was… not  _ weird _ that Zim was helping- Zim had been  _ very _ helpful since they’d gotten there, and honestly even before that. Dib still didn’t fully understand  _ why _ Zim felt so guilty for something he’d had no part in, but he also knew it wasn’t only guilt causing this. Zim really  _ did _ like him…

“Punches are  _ different _ ,” Dib said. “That’s with a body part that’s  _ mine _ and that I’ve had forever.” He took a deeper breath, frowning as the rest of what Zim said caught up to him. “...You cut off your leg?”

“M’hm.” Zim marked a line a little above his knee. “Obviously, superior medical technology allowed it to reattach. So, Dib-thing has that going for you as well. It’s not that much different from when sticky earth-babies hit themselves, really. ...The pak-legs are still a body-part that is  _ yours _ .” He felt around the healing cut, and frowned as some of the scabbed blood just fell off.

Dib scoffed, pushing more debris from his legs and around him, and looking up at the mess. “It doesn’t feel like me or mine,” he said. “It’s all… metal.” At Zim’s look, he frowned, then shifted. “I could do this fine when it wasn’t me,” he said. 

“You’re trying to fight it, Zim thinks. I… do understand why…?” He said that, and Dib was sure that Zim was  _ trying _ , but he had never had a life without a pak, and so couldn’t get it, not really. But he was trying, and that really was enough for Dib. “You should have the download- just informational, it ought to be safe. And… work on accepting it’s part of you, now. Even all… metal… And Zim does not expect instant mastery.”

Dib sighed quietly, then accessed said download, as much as he really didn't want to. The information  _ was  _ helpful, and he grimaced as he tried again. It wasn't elegant or fluid, not like the way Zim was with them, but the leg didn't flail, quite, either. 

“There! It takes most people a good week,” Zim announced, seeming pleased. And he wasn’t lying, either- Zim had stopped that, but there was also the  _ knowledge _ , that Dib couldn’t tune out, and a flash of a purple-eyed Irken trainee who’d nearly cut himself in half.

He frowned, head aching from the mental work, and then sighed quietly. “I hate to say it but I think I’m done for the day, anyway,” he said. Dib was tired, too, and rather hated how much he was craving  _ sugar _ all the time, now. Sugar, and meat- it was weird, and he didn’t like it. But that was what it was and doing stuff like playing with damn pak legs was taxing. 

  
“Then be done,” Zim agreed, patting Dib again, before standing and offering a hand. “Gir attempted to make croissants. Zim is… pretty certain they are edible.” He paused, lekku moving uncertainly, before nodding, so, really, whatever Gir made shouldn’t even be that  _ questionable _ . And that was that, really.


	11. Funny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It shouldn't be _that_ funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >< Again, I am late. I'm so sorry, everyone.

For a while, Zim was pretty sure things were more okay than he thought they could be at such a stage. But Dib wasn’t entirely ‘right’ either- not a great shock, given everything. He did take more time alone, and Zim understood that for the first week and most of a second, too. It was when the computer informed him that he was locked out of such ‘alone’ spots that he did start to worry. And then there were bits of snappiness, moodiness. Zim remembered puberty, and he was sure it was an issue with whatever programming was there for hormones. 

But he worried, and as much as he wanted to give Dib privacy, he also couldn’t understand it. It  _ had _ to be obvious to Dib that his pak still wasn’t fully fixed- and the computer did say that the human was docking now and then, but not really enough for the changes that needed to be made. Zim was also pretty sure that Dib didn’t accept the pak as  _ him _ , and that made sense enough, but it didn’t  _ help _ at all. So, he had to figure out how to catch up with Dib without  _ smothering _ the man.

It didn’t help when Dib checked his phone- not that he used it much. He might have thought that Zim missed him nearly throwing it in the trashcan. Instead it was thrown with considerable force across the lab and then the human was gone, hiding again. 

Zim followed after a while, frowning and uneasy with how this was going. He didn’t think he’d find Dib curled in a little ball- as little as anyone with such long limbs could be. It was honestly rather impressive, as well as a lot worrying.

“Dib-mine…?” Zim said, softly, jamming himself against the wall to fit around Dib a bit. “...Zim is here. I will listen, when you’re ready…”

“I’m fine,” Dib said weakly. “I’m… fine.” He knew that Zim wasn’t going to accept that, and his voice cracked anyway. “‘S just fallout, Zim. Just give me a bit.” 

“You know the computer still monitors incoming transmissions. Even to human phones,” Zim pointed out. Of course, it was a toss-up on whether or not the computer would  _ share _ , and now that he’d told Dib, it was very likely the monitoring would stop, but… “...Who sent the message? Zim hasn’t been prying.”

“...There wasn’t a transmission to monitor,” Dib said. “And I’m dumb for thinking there might be. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He pressed his face against his knees, and Zim clicked in confusion. 

“What do you mean, there wasn’t- oh.” The click turned to a low hiss, and then Zim worked to pull Dib closer. “...Well. Pretty sure your hormones and neurochemical mixes are still wrong. And… You’re my Dib. Who always has loved his family… Even when Zim knows you don’t like them much.” Dib was adult, though, and Zim wasn’t sure if it was normal for human families to stay in contact or not, though the reaction suggested it  _ was _ .

“I try and check on them- before, I would. I’d see if they were okay. Just ‘hey, making sure you’re alive and well,’ and… I go missing for like half a year. Do they even bother to call? Send a text? Nothing.” Dib swallowed, and then buried his face against Zim instead. 

“Dib knows  _ neither _ of them have the time-sense of a halved  _ smeet _ ,” Zim pointed out, petting Dib’s hair. “...It’s okay to be hurt.” Or angry, or anything else, but Zim was  _ trying _ to just react to what Dib was displaying, and not project anything.

Dib nodded, and his voice was muffled. “But they could  _ try _ . They never do. And usually I don’t care. Usually I just don’t care, but…” He paused. “Hormones. And stuff. I feel like crap. I’m not even me anymore. I don’t know what I am.” 

“They could,” Zim agreed, before knocking lightly on Dib’s pak. “Here, let Zim in. And you  _ are _ Dib. Zim knows this- Dib is Dib. There is just… more. Additions. Answers. Dib has wondered what Zim’s life is like, no? Mm… you’re probably getting flashes you haven’t categorized yet, though…”

Silence was his answer for a long moment, before the back access panel popped open on the pak, open to Zim. “I don’t feel like me. I feel like I’m in here, but it’s not me. Like…” he trailed off, letting out a soft gasp as Zim plugged in, petting his hair again. 

“You’re trying to keep yourself in your head, and not here,” Zim agreed, softly. “Have you let yourself go over the memories?” The tagging was sloppy, from what he could see, not the automatic tagging that tended to come from reviewing them, and so he suspected no. Zim didn’t pay  _ too _ much attention to that, though, nudging the hormone and neurotransmitter levels closer to human average. Like medication, it was better for this to be done slowly.

Dib shook his head again. “I started to, a few times, but got scared,” he admitted. “I don’t like them. What if I forget again and think they’re real and this time I don’t come back?” He wrapped arms around Zim, and then made a soft sound. “I tried deleting one, and it just made everything worse.” 

“Ehh… yeah, deleting can be done, but it’s awkward. Memories are meant to be saved and shared, not destroyed,” Zim answered, something that Dib  _ should _ know, or at least  _ could _ , but clearly didn’t, and that was okay. “Start with something old. Close to decanting. You should be able to get a sense before you fully start, and starting when you know it’s not yours will update the tags. And you don’t have to go through  _ all _ of them right now, Dib-thing. But even not yours, they’ll be useful.  _ And _ Zim is here. Zim will watch, okay? You will stay Dib.”

His arms wrapped more firmly around Zim. “Okay,” he said, carefully. He hesitated, still, but Zim could tell that he was slowly working towards actually going through one of the earliest memories. After a bit, he did, relaxing a bit, though he kept hold of Zim the entire time. “Thank you,” he murmured. 

“Shh. Of course Zim helps. You are my Dib,” Zim answered, petting Dib still. His ‘work’ was finished, but Zim didn’t pull away from Dib in any way, monitoring as the memory ran and the tags updated, and everything was behaving perfectly normally. “...I think that may have been from Tenn. And no, she won’t be mad.”  _ If _ she ever found out in the first place- her Tallests had done it, and so it would be fine, Zim was sure.

“That’s weird,” Dib grumbled. But he continued to work through a few more memories, until he was too tired, it seemed. Then he simply snuggled into Zim more. “I don’t like them, still. But… tags help. I do feel less icky.” 

“It is… fairly normal, to have bits of others’ memories. Zim has… fewer than usual. Why does Dib-thing not like them?” There could be many reasons, and that was  _ without _ dealing with the species difference!

“It feels… intrusive. Like things that I shouldn’t have access to, because they weren’t shared with me, specifically.” Dib shifted again, then shook his head and sighed. “I’m overthinking it, aren’t I?” he asked. When he did move again, it was sitting up a bit more. “Thank you again,” he said. “I… feel better. I do.” 

“You are. ...You… can remember, so… how would you have felt, if you found they had chosen  _ your _ memories, specifically, for a project?” Zim glanced down, aware that it was a sore spot, but pretty sure it would help to ease the guilt. “Hm… when Dib-thing is less tired, I should give you the invader downloads. No, they won’t make you want to go out and take over.” Zim disconnected, and grinned, petting Dib until the human sat up further.

Dib shivered. “I don’t know. I guess I’d be okay with it, but…” The human looked down, shaking his head and then chuckled and finally looked at Zim more fully. “I’d like that, I think,” he said. “I… think it’d be good for me, right? Or something.” 

“You’ll love it,” Zim agreed, grinning toothily. “Advanced combat, weapons, tactics, piloting… Of course Dib is passible at most, but refinement can only help…” And it wasn’t even illegal. Come to think of it… “Wait. Dib has not been exiled. Have you?”

His human frowned, blinking. “What?” he asked. “What do you mean? I… don’t think so? I mean… nothing in here says that, or anything. Mostly it’s just a bunch of gobbledy-gook that is about standards and shit.” 

Zim couldn’t help it- he started cackling, fully as maniacal as he ever had, though it faded into something distinctly less healthy as it kept on. He tried to control himself, because Dib didn’t need this, but he couldn’t, hysteria giving way to miserable chirps.

“Zim?” Dib asked, moving, wrapping around Zim, this time, while the Irken continued to chirp. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said. “It’s okay, Zim, I’ve got you, now.” He shifted and pet Zim, while Zim pressed into his warmth. 

Dib was so, so warm, and the human clothing made it so much  _ easier _ to touch, so much  _ better _ … “Stupid,” Zim hissed, clicking. “So stupid…” Places he could no longer go even  _ mostly _ safely, places he didn’t even  _ want _ to go… “Stupid, stupid,  _ stupid _ …” He wanted to attack something, make something  _ hurt _ , but it wouldn’t help, Zim  _ knew _ exactly how much it wouldn’t help…

“What’s stupid, Zim?” Dib asked. He moved a bit, settling down and then pulling Zim against him. “Hey, I’ve got you, too. You got me, and I got you, right?” 

It was almost enough for him to start laughing again, but Zim managed not to this time. “Stupid… Zim. Feelings. Look at you… An actual,  _ coded _ , elite Irken  _ Invader _ . You can go  _ anywhere _ … You almost outrank  _ them _ . And… and I shouldn’t be jealous, Zim  _ knows _ that… You’re so beautiful, and your  _ will _ …” It was so much of everything Zim had wanted- for himself, not for Dib, and of course it wasn’t fair, he expected that now, but it also shouldn’t be  _ funny _ …

“Oh,  _ Zim _ ,” Dib said with a sigh. “Fuck’em all,” he murmured. “I’m no invader, Zim. That’s not me, that’s  _ you _ . You’re the one with the will, Zim…” He pet Zim, rubbing little circles into the Irken’s back under the pak and sighing again. “ _ And _ I’m yours, you goofy thing. I’m not going anywhere without you.”

Zim gave a very human huff, underscored by a soft buzz. “Dib-thing. You  _ repeatedly _ fought me off. At  _ twelve _ . Our wills are equal,” he stated, though the compliments did make him feel better. “...Zim… knows Dib will not leave. ...Though you may need to go and buy stuff. That was… my initial thought…” He paused, then stretched enough to kiss Dib.

“I did a lot by accident and dumb luck,” Dib said when the kiss ended. Zim’s lekku were pinned back and he worried for the long moment that was there before Dib kissed him back, before grinning at him while Zim buzzed and realized that his outburst was not easily forgotten. “...Beautiful, huh?” 

“Not…  _ classically _ …” Zim had to answer, lekku back down as he chilled. “It is more… proportions. Strength.” He traced Dib’s face a bit, hesitant for an entirely new reason. “Zim has been interested since late hi skool… And I  _ do _ think your eye color would make quite interesting implants…” He had- he’d even considered offering, when he realized what glasses were and meant.

Dib grinned wider, “So, it’s because I’m  _ tall _ ,” he said. Zim let out a buzz of embarrassment, and then a series of clicks when his human turned his head into the touch. “Late hi skool… huh. I started having interest then, too.” He blinked at the mention of eyes, then shook his head. “Well. It’s only fair that I say I think you’re beautiful, too, you know.” 

“Not  _ just _ tall…” Zim grumbled, shifting to nuzzle Dib a bit. Even with the conversation after Dib had come back to himself, they hadn’t actually  _ done _ anything, busy with regaining an equilibrium first. “And of course. Zim is  _ amazing _ . This is obvious!” And nice to hear.

“Uh huh, right,” Dib said. He thought about it, then pet Zim. “You’re the best, Zim. Thank you- I mean that. I really do.” Kissing the top of Zim’s head, he leaned against the wall. “...And I chose like the worst place for this, huh?”

“Mm… no, Dib chose a pretty good place to hide. Everything else was unplanned,” Zim answered brightly. “Now. Zim thinks we need  _ cake _ . Or at  _ least _ a strawberry salad…” Emotional swings took a lot of energy no matter what the case, and Zim was pretty sure Dib didn’t have much in reserve, either. “Oh. I left notes for the chemicals, too. You’ll want to monitor that.”

Dib nodded. “Okay,” he said. Then he paused and looked at Zim again, chuckling. “I’m sorry. I… well. I can’t say this’ll be the last time I hide, either.” He shifted, then stood, picking Zim up with him. “Come on. Cake for you, and something protein for me. That fair?” 

“Dib-thing needs cake too. ...You can have protein first. And Zim will have a salad,” Zim agreed, patting Dib’s back around the pak. “I am glad you’re feeling less… ‘icky’. Zim will… try to avoid future hysterics, as well.”

“You and your cake addiction,” Dib teased. “Maybe I should take up baking, too.” He let Zim cling to him as he left the room, collecting Stubby and Gir along the way. “We’ll both try to keep it at a minimum.” 

“You have enough downloads to know it’s  _ healthy _ for Zim!” Zim shot back, chuckling. “Dib will have to learn baking the  _ human _ way.  _ And _ oversee Gir!” Because he could already hear that conversation coming. But it was okay, because it was normal, and it was something that he and Dib were  _ choosing _ .

He got a laugh in answer. 


	12. Flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They need things. And Dib needs practice.

“I don’t like this,” Dib blurted. But the voot was already packed, and Zim was looking at him like he had gained a second head- or maybe a dozen extra eyes? Something. But Dib nervously rubbed and scratched at his own arm, and repeated, “I don’t want to do this. It’s a bad idea.” 

Unlike the last time he’d voiced such a concern, Zim listened, catching his hand. “Dib-thing has been practicing stuff like this. And Zim cannot go…” His lekku shifted, a flash of discomfort, and of course Zim was  _ right _ , but that didn’t change the fact that this could go  _ so wrong _ .

“But-” Dib started, only to falter. “What if I get stuck or something and can’t get back, or…” he trailed off, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “Okay. Okay. And I know that we need a few things. We can’t get them here. It won’t- it’ll be okay.” He was forcing himself to be logical. There was no way for him to forget himself again, they’d made sure of that. 

“And if you  _ do _ , you’ll still return here. And Zim will help,” Zim agreed, because they had also covered that, because Dib  _ needed _ it. He hated that he needed it, hated that it made slipping into a coded purpose almost attractive. At least his trench-coat had been modified so he could wear it, now, and Zim had been working on modifying their uniforms to something they could stand wearing.

The man took a moment, then reached out and squeezed Zim’s hand. “Okay, okay. I’m going,” he said. Still, he hesitated after climbing into the voot. “I’ll be right back,” he said. “Just got to get some alloys and stuff. I can do this.” And snacks. He’d figured out that he could do that, even if Zim didn’t know. 

“Dib-thing can do this. You’ll be  _ fine _ ,” Zim agreed- and Dib could feel the fission of what he now understood to be ‘will’ in the statement. He’d always felt it, even back when he was twelve and knew Zim was dangerous, but it was interesting, now…

“I’ll be fine,” he echoed, looking at the controls before sighing and letting himself sink, just a little, into what the pak- his pak- told him he was. He was still himself, still the human Dib, but he was  _ also _ , now, an Irken Invader.

It was almost like being in a dream, like he was there but he wasn’t. He did almost everything by automatic. Setting coordinates for a shop planet and then settling back to watch as space rolled by on the other side of the windows. He loved space. But the Irken part of him was mostly interested in his destination.

The parts…  _ were _ able to co-exist, though. He could sit and watch and enjoy, and consider what he was going to buy, and how. It didn’t  _ have  _ to be a conflict… Dib let out a breath, relaxing a bit more. He did wish Zim could be here- but he’d been through worse, and he didn’t  _ need _ \- Dib caught that thought, and shook his head. No, technically he maybe didn’t ‘need’ anyone, but it certainly made things a lot easier, and there was nothing wrong with that.

At the same time… memories were there, from other invaders, from Zim, and Dib realized he didn’t  _ feel _ as alone as he expected. The thought occupied him until he reached the planet, and there was a thrill of excitement at that.

It was familiar, too, and Dib blinked a moment at that, but then simply parked and shouldered his empty bags and pouch of delivery slips. He hoped he could get the coordinates, that much was certain… At the first vendor, he blinked and cocked his head when the creature tried pulling one over on the human. A soft hiss ended that, right there.

Okay, this was… honestly useful, and Dib settled a bit more, watching the vendor scramble to apologize. Neither of them wanted trouble, though, and that was resolved fairly easily, Dib thought. Of course, there was also the fact that he  _ did _ , in all actuality, have enough weaponry on him to level a small city. Dib tried not to think about that, but right  _ now _ , it was reassuring. He made a mental note to watch that attitude, and blinked when he could literally feel the new set of monitoring he’d created.

Oh. That was weird. Dib took a breath, then continued on. He ordered what they needed, then went on to buy snacks and things, carefully filling his bags and setting up shipments. It was all under the code they’d given him- and he was pretty sure he was doing well, too. 

No-one seemed to have any problems with him, anyway, apart from what Dib recognized as normal ‘Holy shit, that is one tall invader coming towards us!’ problems, anyway. He kept things sensible, didn’t order anything weird, and… There was enough of him enjoying the trip, and the freedom, that he didn’t even worry, once everything was ordered and set up and finished. This hadn’t gone that bad…

Zim was there when he landed, and for a moment, Dib was struck by that. But then it melted away as he carefully took his bags and climbed out, blinking at the Irken in front of him. “Well, I’m alive…” he said. 

“And Dib-thing is clearly  _ fine _ , saying something so obvious,” Zim answered, which made Dib relax, and rub his head- and it  _ wasn’t _ a surprise to find hair. Zim didn’t have to say he’d worried, and honestly, Dib was glad he didn’t, but also glad he knew.

"Yeah," Dib agreed, before offering the first bag of snacks and goodies. "I, um, got you some stuff. I know it isn't anything like a good gift, but…" Now that he thought about it, he worried that it might actually upset Zim. That wasn't out of bounds as a possibility. 

Zim paused, taking the bag and digging through it, and then pausing again, lekku alternating as he worked things out. “You… bought me…” He clicked, and then looked up at Dib, grinning. “I  _ missed _ these! -You’re tense. Why- Dib?” Of course he noticed, though Dib was already relaxing as well.

"I kinda worried it would just upset you," Dib said, realizing just how dumb he sounded the moment he spoke. He grinned a little, lopsided, and shrugged. "I just… um. Figured that they might be something you liked, in my original thought." 

The Irken was obviously confused, and tore into a package before speaking. “I…  _ did _ complain about missing them…” Zim agreed, before offering a chip. “Zim worried about overwhelming Dib-thing. Clearly, it was  _ needless _ .” And then then, tilting his head a bit, “How  _ was _ the trip?”

"It was… good. It was good." Dib chuckled a little. "You were right, of course. I was okay. It was a little weird- and I guess I'm a bit scary? I don't know, but I am glad I did it, in the end." His fears seemed like nothing, now. 

“Dib-thing is  _ very _ scary. You  _ are _ very tall,” Zim answered, laughing. “Zim is glad you enjoyed. It… will be more ‘you’ as time passes, and feel more natural. Well… I suppose, let’s put away what you did bring?”

Dib grinned again and nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed, before he started emptying the bags more.


End file.
